Hello all!
It has been some time since I have been on this blog. I have to admit that school has been taking a lot out of me. Blogging would have been the last thing on my mind.
BUT I have some time right now. I just finished packing for California. I have been home sick for a while so it will finally be nice to be back and catch up with old friends.
So...this year...hmm...so much. I don't know exactly how to describe it other than one of the most transforming years of my life. That is a pretty broad description but let me just make a list of some key moments and give my schpeal on them (check spelling?)
I went down to New Orleans to help out with habitat for humanity. First time in my spiritual life did I really get a true sense of God's heart for justice. This aspect of my faith has always been less emphasized in my spiritual upbringing. When I finally saw it, there was a part of me that said "This is why Christianity makes sense". I finally saw that the God we worship is not about just trying better our morality but rather restore a humanity. He wants to restore humanity not just in a person sense (which tends to be emphasized a lot in personal morality) but in a communal sense. There is this song which I am sure a lot of people know. It is called Hosanna written by Brooke Fraser. In that song, there is a line that asks God to "break my heart with what breaks [His]". I am sure thousands of people sing it weekly at church. For me though, those words did not come a true cry to worship until I saw with my very own eyes people, infact, my very own brothers and sisters, dealing with tremendous injustices in governmental neglect and well as personal struggle; I saw why God wants justice in our world. I realized that this aspect of our faith should not be a part that only social activist christians work on, but every christian is called to be tools of justice.
I went to the Dominican Republic (my FIRST international mission trip) and got another sense of how deep God's heart is for the opressed, struggling, and poor. I started to question myself asking, "Ben, if this is what you SAY you believe in, why don't you start leaving it out? Will you go where God wants you to go?" I will continue to wrestle with that question in the next year I'm sure.
Had a horrible break up. I keep thinking that of course this break up had to happen but did it have to happen in such a hurtful way? The answer is yes. I never had to relie on God's providence and companionship more then in my time of pain with this break up. Am I perfect in running to God in my lonliness? By no means, but I felt that I have personally experience the reality that God is present most greatly in our pain.
School short commings. This semester has been one of the most frustrating semesters of all time. I have never studied so much and struggled so much with grades. Lesson? God is always in control and it is by his grace a lone that i can study let alone continue in school. He has challenged me to be content with the level of intellect he has blessed me for each day and to rely on His providence to get me through school. I have also realized I had a lot of pride tide up into my grades and school which I must get rid of. It has been the source of a lot of pain and God has challenged me to let that go.
CCFC has been amazing. I have been poured into so much there and I feel that this community is genuwinely concernced with my spiritual journey. I have encountered many people willing to give me encouragement in God's truths through all the struggles I had this year. I can't wait to see what next year brings for me at this church =)
Finished reading mere Christianity. The coolest thing I realized? God did not come in to make us better people but restored Human beings; a new creation. Thats the difference between christanities claim and all other religions. God is not so much concernced as to training us to be disciplined dogs that do the right things at the right time. No, not at all. He is out to give us new life. To transform us into beings that are like him. He does not want servants. He wants a family of children to love. He want to turn us mere lifeless statues into real people who He can have a relationship with. That was just one of the biggest epiphanys I got from C.S Lewis.
And hopes for the next year?
I hope that my grades pushed me through to the next semester. ( I didn't find out yet if I passed pharmacology)
I hope to be way more organized with everything including School, IV, callings parents, chilling with friends, and have a true day of rest.
Year of singleness will continue on into 2010 (probably even longer then a year too)
Establish a deeper and consistant prayer life
All in His hands
Hope you all have a wonderful holiday seasons and a very happy new year
- Benjamin
