End of 2009 reflection

Hello all!

It has been some time since I have been on this blog. I have to admit that school has been taking a lot out of me. Blogging would have been the last thing on my mind.

BUT I have some time right now. I just finished packing for California. I have been home sick for a while so it will finally be nice to be back and catch up with old friends.

So...this year...hmm...so much. I don't know exactly how to describe it other than one of the most transforming years of my life. That is a pretty broad description but let me just make a list of some key moments and give my schpeal on them (check spelling?)

I went down to New Orleans to help out with habitat for humanity. First time in my spiritual life did I really get a true sense of God's heart for justice. This aspect of my faith has always been less emphasized in my spiritual upbringing. When I finally saw it, there was a part of me that said "This is why Christianity makes sense". I finally saw that the God we worship is not about just trying better our morality but rather restore a humanity. He wants to restore humanity not just in a person sense (which tends to be emphasized a lot in personal morality) but in a communal sense. There is this song which I am sure a lot of people know. It is called Hosanna written by Brooke Fraser. In that song, there is a line that asks God to "break my heart with what breaks [His]". I am sure thousands of people sing it weekly at church. For me though, those words did not come a true cry to worship until I saw with my very own eyes people, infact, my very own brothers and sisters, dealing with tremendous injustices in governmental neglect and well as personal struggle; I saw why God wants justice in our world. I realized that this aspect of our faith should not be a part that only social activist christians work on, but every christian is called to be tools of justice.

I went to the Dominican Republic (my FIRST international mission trip) and got another sense of how deep God's heart is for the opressed, struggling, and poor. I started to question myself asking, "Ben, if this is what you SAY you believe in, why don't you start leaving it out? Will you go where God wants you to go?" I will continue to wrestle with that question in the next year I'm sure.

Had a horrible break up. I keep thinking that of course this break up had to happen but did it have to happen in such a hurtful way? The answer is yes. I never had to relie on God's providence and companionship more then in my time of pain with this break up. Am I perfect in running to God in my lonliness? By no means, but I felt that I have personally experience the reality that God is present most greatly in our pain.

School short commings. This semester has been one of the most frustrating semesters of all time. I have never studied so much and struggled so much with grades. Lesson? God is always in control and it is by his grace a lone that i can study let alone continue in school. He has challenged me to be content with the level of intellect he has blessed me for each day and to rely on His providence to get me through school. I have also realized I had a lot of pride tide up into my grades and school which I must get rid of. It has been the source of a lot of pain and God has challenged me to let that go.

CCFC has been amazing. I have been poured into so much there and I feel that this community is genuwinely concernced with my spiritual journey. I have encountered many people willing to give me encouragement in God's truths through all the struggles I had this year. I can't wait to see what next year brings for me at this church =)

Finished reading mere Christianity. The coolest thing I realized? God did not come in to make us better people but restored Human beings; a new creation. Thats the difference between christanities claim and all other religions. God is not so much concernced as to training us to be disciplined dogs that do the right things at the right time. No, not at all. He is out to give us new life. To transform us into beings that are like him. He does not want servants. He wants a family of children to love. He want to turn us mere lifeless statues into real people who He can have a relationship with. That was just one of the biggest epiphanys I got from C.S Lewis.

And hopes for the next year?

I hope that my grades pushed me through to the next semester. ( I didn't find out yet if I passed pharmacology)
I hope to be way more organized with everything including School, IV, callings parents, chilling with friends, and have a true day of rest.
Year of singleness will continue on into 2010 (probably even longer then a year too)
Establish a deeper and consistant prayer life

All in His hands

Hope you all have a wonderful holiday seasons and a very happy new year

- Benjamin

So...

I just started transitioning to my new community at CCFC (Cambridge Community Fellowship Church). I'm very excited to see where God is going to take me in this church and I already love the community. So much care and honesty in the fellowship.

I just went to their "house church" last night. Its basically small group bible study but I am starting to feel that the name implies a more family like atmosphere which I love. So let me set up this night a little,

This week has been a fun week, yet I have had my moments where I struggled to simply keep on track with my time with God. I have notice with that, it does not matter how much fun I have...If God is not in the middle of that fun, it just ends up being a cool memory leaving us with this emptiness when it is all quiet. I got that feeling very strongly yesterday. I just had a week of going out and eating and playing games with amazing and crazy friends. I am so blessed by that community and all the good times. But yesterday, I woke up .... and I had this weird sense of emptiness. Which i thought was weird because I was like "Ben, you just had a jam packed week of hanging out and cleaning and writing letters and getting a letter and a lot of stuff. Why do you feel empty now?" Some how... i knew the answer but I didn't want to come to grips with it. I knew I hadn't been really searching after God in this time. I just kind of said, "God I read last week, im good for this week. I dont have that desire to sit down and wait for you to show me something." That just made me lost in worldly thoughts and insecurities. Without the reassurance of God's word in my personal life, I forget that life is not all about fun, but something much deeper. I need the Holy Spirit to open my eyes up to the greatness of the gospel everyday. I want to see it and be filled with an amazing joy that NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING on earth can compare to it.

So I came to house church after eating at my friend Becky's house. She and her other friend Esther invited me to dinner and they cooked some delicious food for me and my other friend Albert. We all ate and it was just awesome.

We came to house church together and opened up with worship and just started a simple topical bible study on the Holy Spirit and who He is. I dont know how to explain it but this community was so open to each other and we just had a great time studying. There were some profound moments, jokes galor, and times of real raw honest confessions and truths shared. I mean, just to hear how these peoples share about the depth that God has been working in their lives astounded me. I'm so use to hear what people need God to do: "i need God to help me in school, my work, my family". It was like a breath of fresh air to hear people share how "God has showed me this and showed me that". I was seeing evidence of God working in a broken community and not just seeing God has a wish maker. My heart is kind of getting pumped just typing this out.

Then, at the end of our simple yet very good bible study we had a time of prayer requests. One girl in particular, named Allyson, was brand new to the group. I had been at house church once before a while back so I cant I was brand new. This was Allyson's first time. I remember her having a smile as she opened up her prayer request. "I don't know how to really articulate this" she said... and slowly she began to get shaky and it seemed that she was holding back tears. She shared how she had just gone through a break up. Right then my heart sank and I was brought back to the feelings I had in my break up. It was painful to see someone else experience something similar to the feeling I felt after my break up. Then she said something along the lines of I hope that healing can come in my life as well as his life. For her to ask for prayer for the other person just blew me away. I mean I have prayed for Linh since the break up...but I wondered if I should have been asking other people to pray for her. I was just blown away for her state of mind in seeing how God wants to bring healing to everyone and here I was focused on just my pain.

I shared with her a little bit about my break up and It was reassuring for both of us to see that we were not alone in that pain and to see God working in each of ourlives was a huge blessing as well.

So, I left house church in a very good mood. I was dropped off at the T station and I was just reflecting about how this church almost seems to ideal for me. I mean, I just felt like I fit in so well and after each time I go to this church I experience God. I was thinking how in a spiritual community you want to surround yourself with people you hope to resemble and as a Christian you hope that those people resemble Christ. I can see Christ in this church in everything they do. From their emails to each other, to Pastor Larry's sermons, and especially in the small groups.
BUT i was thinking that I could just be like...blinded by love in a sense for this church. I mean I know every church has their problems and I have yet to really see it (but I know I will eventually). I wanted to make sure God was placing me at this church and I wasn't placing myself at this church. I was wrestling with this Idea while I was waiting for my Train to come and go home.

Then, I noticed a old black man pushing a mobile chair. I came up to him and asked if he needed any help. It became evident that he possibly had a stroke since his speech was somewhat impaired. I vaguely understood that his chair had broke and he had to go home. He couldnt walk well. His house was about 2 blocks down. So, I began to push and I quickly realized that I had complitely underestimated the weight of this chair. It was extremely heavy. "Man, what did I get myself into." I thought, but I quickly realized how terrible it would have been if this man had to push this chair all by himself. So i just kept pushing making as much progress as I could. Suddenly, a spanish guy came up and asked if we needed help. I began to tell him about the situation and explain how Im just trying to help this guy push his chair home. I got a somewhat empty stare. He shared that his english was not to great but he understood the situation. So together, all three of us began to push. But we saw that the handicaped man had difficulty keeping up with us. So we suggested he just sit in the chair as we pushed him.

So...there I am, pushing an elderly handicaped blackman who had a speech impediment along with a columbian guy helping me who had trouble speaking english down Mass. Ave in Boston at midnight. To prove how heavy this chair was, it took me and the columbian guy, both young and relatively fit men, 20mins to move down one block. It was just so heavy and tiring and the weather didnt even help. We were desperate for help. So me being the most capable of speaking asked people who passed by who would help. People notice us pushing and just kept walking by. Finally, I got the attention of an Arab kid. He said he just ran for 2 hours and was tiried but he was willing to help. So with that... it took 3 Guys 15 mins to move this man in his chair down to his apartment. Not only that, we had to help him up the elavator and physically get into his room. We got our simple thank yous and left. It felt good. I could say that I felt that I did something good in the world and thus i feel good about it...but there was something deeper.

It was somewhere along Mass Ave. I was pushing the chair so strongly and leaning in so I could put my back into pushing that my head was nearly right on the shoulder of the black man we were helping. I just kept telling him it be okay and we were gonna get him home soon. I realized that here I was with a spanish man, an arab man, a black man, and I was an asian man. We all became this beautiful illustration of what the Kingdom of God was. For a minute, I felt God say that He was overwhelmed with Joy with what was occuring. I was apart of this illustration of the Kingdom of God along side with people that society would seperate. It was beautiful and fullfilling.

I then slowly learned that all the men I encountered where not Christian. I saw this whole night as a great oppertunity to share my faith and I was acutally able to with the spanish man. Im not sure if it sank in but I am sure that my actions backed up my words. We talked on T ride back home and he actually said I should come by his resteraunt and eat sometime =). It was a fun night talking to him.

At the end, I saw how this moment made me connect back to the values of CCFC and their church calling in social justice and racial reconciliation. I experienced that passion of that value first hand through this God given moment. I saw it as God pushing me to explore this more. I saw it as God pushing me more towards CCFC.

I got my answer that night. For this time in my life, I should be at CCFC...and Im excited about it.

God is crazy good =)

PS sorry for the typos

Forgiveness

I have become utterly convinced that Forgiveness and Reconciliation is something totally supernatural and divine.

Contrary to popular belief (even christian culture) true forgiveness can not be conjured up by mere human efforts. Our brokenness will not allow it and our brokenness will keep us locked up in the bonds of bitterness, malice, and revenge. If one expects that forgiveness is a one choice moment...your wrong. Forgiveness is a daily act in which we consciously choose to not keep record of any wrongs. Weird right? Seems impossible. Theres always that line that says forgive but dont forget...well in a sense have you forgiven? If you continue to let the need for revenge to influence how you live your life against what you were created for...you have not forgiven.

I have totally experienced that the ability to forgive comes from God alone and thus it is a divine process of God overcoming our brokenness within ourselves. Forgiveness by its very nature is NOT logical and not an act that comes out of human instinct.

Conclusion? Continual, daily submission to God and prayer is the only way to be empowered to forgive for it says only God has the power to forgive. Thus we must harness Christ authority and power in our lives and speak out against the wrongs in our lives by saying "I forgive _______. " Through the Holy Spirit's power within us, we are able to forgive COMPLETELY and live a life of freedom; free from bitterness and malice and we are now able to enjoy life that much more.

I learned this the hard way. If you think you can forgive soley on your own conscious effort... you are going to fail. BUt thank God we have a source of forgiveness and grace that is never ending and new every morning. That source was given to us through Jesus Christ and that source is alive within us only by the grace of the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Forgive just like you were forgiven. Forgive with the authority in Jesus's name.

Battle

Sin is in many ways like cancer.

There really seems to be no cures... just treatments.
It seems to spread
Right when we cure it one area of our bodies
it just seems to pop up in another area that we had no idea we were hurting in
It can make us become something we never wanted nor intended to be

With Jesus, The recovery has begun, He is the ultimate treatment
and one day we will be totally cancer free

But until then, we have to go through all the crazy therapies and surgeries
Its painful, nauseating, and really discouraging at times

Just like cancer patients though
We have to fight to become who we want to be
We have to allow the medication to take its full course in us although it might seem painful at the moment
Daily Battle against this destructive force trying to bring us down

So to everyone fighting
The battle will be worth it
Keep fighting and know that you are NEVER fighting alone

You are cured
Let the recovery process begin

Is it possible

Im starting to ponder this question?

Is it possible..for two people who are completely complimentary to each other to meet and not realize it?

Basically, could one meet their soul mate and NOT even know it?

Eh...or I guess its just all in God's hands

But its nice to know there are people like me out there =)

ANYWAYS...

10 Things I want to do (as of now and not in any order)

1) Go to a Switchfoot concert

2) Meet David Crowder and/or Jon Foremen

3) Help Bake a Big ole cake...like BIG

4) Play Drums in a Jazz Band

5) Make a CD

6) Write a worship song

7) MORE Mission trips (GSMM next summer WHOO HOO!)

8) Be a PA and specialize in pulling teeth >=]...Jk
I just want to be like the Doctors on Scrubs

9) Road Trip from East Coast to West Coast

10)Learn how to sing...good

Someday

My testimony

I grew up in a Christian family and was Sunday-schooled since I could remember. I got my weekly dose of the basic bible stories. You know, the story of creation, Noah’s ark, and the rest of the bible stories you grow up hearing. Christianity from a very young age was strictly a religion; a set of dos and don’ts. I went to church, prayed before I ate, and honored my parents. I mean sure, I acknowledge the existence of God. I remember yelling at Him when my toy broke (I think I was 5). My father even shared one experience of me when I was in grade school where he and my mom were arguing and I started crying. He took me to my room and started to comfort me. I then asked “Why is God doing this?” It was clear that God was a real being to me even from a very young age. But still, He was more of a religion then a person I could have a relationship with.

It was not until sophomore year of high school that I began to have this thought that maybe God had more to offer then just dos and don’ts. I just started getting involved with music by playing guitar and the church encouraged me to serve my youth group with this new skill. I started to try to lead worship with high hopes of becoming that person on stage that everyone had their eye on. This hope only lead to discouragement when my youth was not participating in worship and no one seemed to really be giving me the attention I craved. In retrospect, I was just a highschooler trying to obtain a sense of coolness, purpose, and value from my peers; safe to say that was an epic fail. That just led to great confusion and frustration about why God wasn’t blessing this ministry. After all, it was “all for Him”.

I then went on my first national retreat with youth groups from all over the country (mostly from southern California). There, I was introduced to group of amazingly gifted music ministers. I was in awe at their musical skill and something else that I could not quiet yet describe. Something about the way they played awakened something inside me. I gotten to know the keyboard player of the worship team and he quickly learned that I played guitar. We would just mess around with the instruments after the worship sessions. He then just randomly asked me “Hey Ben. You want to play with us dude?” I was taken back. I said I sucked and I believed it. It was why I wasn’t doing so great as a worship leader back at my own church. If I couldn’t lead worship there, how could I at a huge retreat as the one I was at? But he encouraged me and just said “Dude, it be fun”. “Ok” I replied in a shaky tone.

That night, I strapped on an electric guitar and just started strumming the simple chords I knew trying to keep up with the guys. I was lost in the music and panicking a little. Suddenly, I slowly lifted up my head, ignoring the music for a bit, and I just looked out and saw a sea of people praising God with tears falling down and hands lifted high. How could this be? I was messing up so much. But, seeing their worship, I was put to peace and this thought came into my head. “It is not about me. It is all about Jesus.” It was all about Jesus and not about the music, not about me being on stage, not about having all eyes on me. The glory was all for Jesus and when I saw how wonderful that was, it awakened something deeper inside me. I had a God worthy of all this and maybe even more. I realized that in my pursuit to sound awesome on the guitar and some how create this atmosphere of feel good music, I missed the true meaning and purpose behind all this effort. It should not be to lift up myself, but lift up Jesus.

That night, there was an alter call. It was a simple one compared to the ones I heard before. The pastor simply asked “If you want to serve Jesus and give your life to Him, please stand.” It was not an “OH YES LORD” moment. I remember just calmly thinking that maybe Jesus has more to offer. I thought “Alright Jesus, take me and do as you please”, got up and was prayed over by the pastor. Little did I know the awesome hands I had entered into and was going to be molded by. Every since that camp, everyone around me noticed a small change. My youth leaders gave word of this change to the people who organized the camp. And slowly, I just started to get desires to do more for God. I organized a Christian club at my high school, studied apologetics and even became a youth leader at my own church. I felt this sense of purpose and that Christ had made me a person of value. I was doing something great with my life all thanks to this new life I found in Jesus.

Then, college hit. I left my youth group in California and flew to Boston. I was met by a new wave of challenges in life. I encountered many diverse people of different faiths in school which made me think “what made Jesus different?” I was hearing bad news of how my youth group was falling apart. I struggled to keep up with my studies, maintain a relationship with my new girlfriend I met in Boston, and serve God at this new church that was totally different from my church back at home. There was a lot happening. I had no idea if I was actively living a purposeful life or just trying to get by and fulfill obligations.

Luckily, God heard one of my prayers. In California, a college ministry called Intervarsity was widely known and I was hoping that there would be one at my college. Sadly, when I got to Boston, there was none with my school. I was craving for a community to share my burdens with and continue in my walk with Jesus. Then, my sophomore year of college, I got word that an Intervarsity Chapter was going to be established at my school. Total prayer answered. I met some awesome brothers and sisters in Christ with I can not possibly imagine my life without right now. They encouraged me to serve and become vice president of our chapter. My good friend Patrick, whom I met at Intervarsity, became my accountability partner and He has been an awesome prayer warrior in my life. I met great sisters in Christ who just continued to encourage me even when times got rough to see my huge potential. This Intervarsity Chapter was one of the greatest blessings in my life. But, where this story is headed reminds me of a song with a phrase that says “I know I’m filled to be emptied again, the seed I received I will sow.”

I just started getting deeper into my faith after being around a group that was so on fire for God. I caught the flame and was growing more passionate for Jesus and His ways. I decided to go and explore this idea of mission trips. I always wanted to travel and what would be better than to travel for the glory of God? So I signed up for a service trip to New Orleans as well as an international trip to the Dominican Republic. I went down to New Orleans to test the waters of this mission field. Along side 75 other students and Habitat for Humanity I helped clean up the mess still left by hurricane Katrina. It was an amazing experience that left me hungry for more. Coming back from New Orleans left me certain that God had put something in my heart that was going to explode in greatness all for Him. I saw Jesus as a person so much bigger than just my personal life but He was actively working in our broken world. I was excited. I felt invincible. What could bring me down?

The night we came back, I got a phone call from my girlfriend at 2:30 in the morning. “I think we should just be friends.” That’s right, my girlfriend of 2 years decided to end it. I’m still not sure why too this day. But at the time, I tried to just keep focus on school. Finals week was quickly approaching and I had to begin fundraising for my upcoming mission trip to Dominican Republic. There was too much to think about to really focus on the break up. Not to mention I was exhausted after the New Orleans trip. I had to focus on the goals ahead. I had to remain strong. But, if that was not hard enough, I learned a week before my mission trip to the Dominican Republic that my ex girlfriend had started dating another guy only 2 weeks after we broke up. This lead to all this questions of if she was cheating on me near the end of our relationship and that really really….really really… really hurt. My sense of self worth was challenged after seeing how easily disposable and replaceable I was. I have never experience such a great amount of disregard that if felt like an act of pure hate. And this came from I person I truly cared about. I had two emotional break downs as well as lost some weight. My heart was completely broken. I was in bad shape for this mission trip. It was by amazing grace that I had a community that held me up during this time. I feel as though I should mention them right now just because I have never experienced such love for a fallen brother as I did through this group whom I am convinced was ministering to me with Gods amazing love for which I am SO thankful for. They are:

Amanda Panda Albert Chen Ritu, Aimee, Chloe, Becky, Liz, Jen Tran, Leslie Huynh, Patrick,
Kevin Doan, Khoi

They were a group that just encouraged me, prayed for me, made pancakes with ice cream for me, took me to Celtics game, held me as I cried, caught me as I collapsed out of sadness, picked me up as I was wondering aimlessly around the park, drove down to see if I was doing okay, allowed me to crash at their place as to not be alone, took me out to eat, played board games with me, expressed their utter anger for the wrong that was committed against me, kept me focus on my potential and God’s amazing plan for my life, and basically just loved on me when I needed it the most in my life. That experience was the worst pain I had ever gone through and God carried me through it using all these great people. Jesus was completely real through my community and I was sure of it.

I went to the mission trip with an open heart to learn about true love after what I thought was love fell out under me. God restored this sense of true agape love and how I am loved no matter what has happened and it is by faith that I know I am loved and it is evident by all the blessings in my life and especially the people who He placed in my life. I saw that he gave me purpose and value evident by the work I was blessed to take part in at the Dominican Republic by His grace. God was good even when I was going through such pain. I was blind to it on some level by the pain of the break up but man…I had some amazing unforgettable experiences after the break up and met some wonderful people who added to the blessings in my life. God was with me through this entire break up and even helped me learn and grow from it. He turned this terrible experience in my life into something used to better myself.

So now, I write this testimony from California and it has roughly been 4-5months since the break up. I still battle with this idea of my self worth and struggle with the wounds left by my ex girlfriend. It is hard to see yourself as someone great after you were cheated on. But this pain has challenged me rely solely on God for my joy, my sense of purpose and worth, my hope in a future wife who will be more awesome then anything I can ever picture, and my hope in a future of purposeful ministry. He has met me in my loneliness and talked to me through His word. He has become my strength in my weakness. I have a new found passion to seek Him more and see what His amazing will is for simple life as mine. He is teaching me to forgive those who have hurt me and even love them as Jesus has called me too. All this has been a crazy challenge but I feel myself changing more into something I want to be.

God was faithful in my life in so many ways. I can only hope to see what He has planned for the rest of my life. He is healing me right now and I hope to share that healing with a broken world as a testimony of the good news Jesus came to deliver and fulfill.

If you have any questions, concerns, or comments about my testimony please feel free to contact me. In the mean time, open your eyes. Maybe God has been working just as much in my life as He is working in yours; maybe even more.

Time In California

Hello =)

Life post Dominican Republic has been a very trying time. Life just seems so precious that emotions will try to make you reorder a lot of your prioritize: whats worth sacrificing, whats worth spending time on, what is worth fighting for. These things are what I been trying to order in my head during this time in California

It has been a great time just catching up with old friends and really just having so much more time that comes with the single life. I bought 2 devotions journals; one is for me since I need a new one and the other one is going to be my future wife. I have decided to really hold onto my singleness for a while and during those times where it gets hard I'm just going to write letters to my future wife (if I'm going to get married haha)

God has sincerely challenged me to understand a new heart of love. In the Dominican Republic (DR) that seemed to be a very distinct message he was teaching me. Everywhere from my work site, to my site leaders, to my new friends, interns, my own team, and my own personal devotion time drew me back to this profound sense of Agape love.


Now, there are 3 types of love in greek: Philios, Eros, and Agape. My site leader Fransico put this quiet simply yet extremely profound.

Philios - A love that seems to be tied into time together and family like ties. For example, friends, fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, and sisters and brothers. These relationships are genuwine, but they are also circumstantial; based on time together. How deep a friendship goes depends on the amount of interaction together. A father can love his son so much and play with him all the time. But if the father leaves the family for 5 years and comes back, one can imagine that its hard to show sincere love again. Even some family members who grew up close together lose their love for each other if they are seperated for a long time. Im not saying all family members but I hear stories all the time of brothers who dont talk and like wise with parents and children.

Eros - People automatically jump to the conclusion that this love is "erotic" love. Sex is just one form of this love. At the core, this love is based on the give and recieve aspect of relationships. If I buy you a gift then you would show me you love me by responding to the gift. Sex is the ultimate act of giving and recieving but we show this love between a lot of people we are interested in. Like if I give a girl flowers, I would expect the response of at least a thank you and at most another gift back. Sounds awesome. But, again its circumstantial. Sometimes, i'll give flowers to a girl on a bad day and she wont even say thank. I might not even be able to have a lot of money. That would just make it so much harder for me to love since Im getting nothing back.

These types of love will ultimately run dry. You can only give so much and not recieve. You can only wait for someone so long untill they are not worth waiting for. But, heres a thing. We were not ment for these kinds of love. They are nice, yes, but when people say they want true love they aren't really asking for flowers every week, that butterfly feeling in the stomache, or even great sex. They want...

Agape - Love for the sake of love. Love because one simply decides too love apart from all circumstantial things. Hence why wedding vows consist of "For better or worst". A love that goes above what is seen in the belief that people are worth loving because they just are. Do not try to think logically about this love because it is illogical by its very nature. The grace shown by God for us is illogical. Grace in general can be seen as illogical. But I have come to this conclusion
The greatest love is shown where the greatest acts of grace are needed

Its something that one has to freely choose daily. They can not say "I will love this person because he/she does _______ for me". That seems more like a relationship based on benefit. Agape loves is what causes firefighters to rush into burning buildings to save people they dont know and risk their own lives. It is the kind of love that creates a foundation for an awesome marriage. It is the foundation for great friendships. It is the foundation for a great relationship with Christ and His Church.

I have dedicated myself to express agape love as much as I can. This has lead me to develope a really close relationship with my mom in these past 12 days I have been here in cali. It has allowed me to pray constantly for those who have hurt me. It has been my motivation to prepare to serve my church back in Boston. And it has become the foudation for which I am comming to meet my friends with and share awesome times together. This love is all freeing. I am not longer hurt because I have no expectations of how someone should react to this love. This love is just ment to be given with out expecting anything in return. ALTHOUGH I am still human but I found that if I just think about the love God has shown me and how that is true agape love...and how that has changed my life...then it becomes easier to share that love with everyone else in my life.

So, I found a sudden passion to share this love with all the girls in my life. Just because I feel that guys are still stuck on eros love and I want to start encouraging girls to hold guys to a higher standard of love. The world has been broken by the failings of philios and eros love. Agape love is what will change lives. So, right when i get back to Boston I want to start ministring to the girls in my church.


I just finished this book called "God's Gift to Women" by Eric Ludy.

It has made an excellent point in saying that the way a man treats the women in his life shows a lot about what kind of man he really is. If you see how Christ encountered the women he ministred to, his interactions fully ranged in challenging them yet also being compassionate and tender. Thats the kind of men the world needs. So I encourage that all the guys get that book and read it.

Well, I will be updating this as much as I can and sharing you guys how my journey in expressing agape love has been. Please pray for me to continue to get plugged into my ultimate source of agape love daily

Untill next time
God Bless =)

- Benjamin Le

PS sorry for the typos

Dominican Republic Mission trip

Hey everyone! I come to see that blogger would just be a way better way to connect with others. A lot of the people I have met in the DR use blogger =P

WELL! I am back from my 2 week mission trip in the Dominican Republic and it was an amazing experience. It blew my mind to see how Jesus was the exact same person in the DR as he is here in the states.

The week before I left was a tough one for me (to say the least). I was worried about not having a good experience which just so many burdens on my heart. I prayed that God would just let me forget about them for the two weeks so I could be of better use. I thought it be better that I just deal with them when I come back. To my surprise, God met me in my pain and suffering in the DR. He opened me up to this incredible understanding of true love and true happiness.
So let me share a little bit about what happened.

This is the beautiful city of Jarabacoa. It is the main city we were working in. Notice at just how green everything was. It was weird coming back to the states and not seeing that much green.

Here was our main base. We were the first summer team to use the base after its completion just last year. Pretty fancy eh? haha it was funded by a very generous donor and thank God. The basket ball course to the right was a great place where some people in the community could come and play to get to know the ministry better



So, Yours truly was was assigned to serve the community at the art site. Here are some pictures:

This is where are art site base was. Here is where we had all the paint and other stuff to carry out our ministries such as...

Art in the park with inner city kids. The boys I am with here are shoe shine boys. They wait around all day in the park to see if anyone would shine their shoes for them for about 50 cents. Given how young they are, this is not what a typical kid would like to do in the park. So, the art site would create art projects for them to do in the park and we just hang out and play with them.


I thought it be fun for them to do that one art project where you use your hand to make a chicken. YEE YEE im soo fresh =P haha naw actually it looked like they had a lot of fune with that.

Next is probably the biggest project we have at the Art site

Here you see a the art team painting murals in a slum called El Callejon. This is squaters land (land that basically anybody can just come on and start building homes) that was created after the hurricane George in the 1990s. The hurricance devistated the land and it became a place that was open to the poor to come and live on. On one side of the slum you have a golf course and on the other side lives a very wealthy man. Funny isn't it? The man built a wall for legal reasons; he wanted to make sure none of the poor people would come onto his property and build homes. The wall itself is logical, but it has become a symbol of "This is how far you can go. You are not wanted here. Stay away from us." A daily reminder of how isolated they are from acceptance.

SO the art side thought it be great to turn this wall, a symbol of division and hate even, and draw murals on it turning it into a symbol of God's love and and to minister and share biblical truths with non traditional images.

This is my mural. Top left is the phrase "Donde estas Papa? " which translates into "Where are you daddy?" Before drawing the murals, we walked around the community to learn more about it. It broke my heart to learn that it was nearly expected that fathers would walk out on their famalies. It was not uncommon for a young mother to have 4 kids all from different fathers and non of them are taking care of their kids.

That is just not right....

So the mural challenges men to step up in the community and walk away from the pollution of the world (gambling and alcoholism are typical things the men would be involved in there) and turn their hearts back to their famalies, their wife and kids, through the direction of Jesus Christ.

Upon learning about this, a young by name Mikael connected with my mural. One of my site leaders Nate told him the meaning of this mural. He starred at it and told Nate to tell me to finish the painting the kids (at that time i didn't even start yet). I asked why the urgency? And Nate explained that Mikael's father had walked out on his family when he was very young.

At the moment the whole ministry just proved itself to be God influence and God was moving artist to minister to this community. I can not express the great amount of meaning I felt when God use this mural to minister to this child. And better then that, that mural is still up today and Hopefully it will continue to minister to the community and challenge men to take up their responsibilities as fathers.

I also just had the greatest ounce of wisdom giving to me by God when i was thinking about what i was doing. This wall was meant to be an obstacle. BUt the ministry made it something that would help people overcome obstacles...so the question GOd asked me is "Ben, what are you doing with the walls other people have put up against you?"

That i will answer in another blog. But yes all in all this was a great ministry. I STILL HAVE so much to share but I think I'll save it for another blog.

I just want to leaving sharing this,

This was the team that challenged me, held me up, prayed for me, help me see God's plan, and ministered God's love to me in so many ways. It proves that true love is shown where God is the center. The boston team defenitely had Jesus and the Center and i was blessed to reap the benefits of peace, hope, fath, and love by being such great people.

So let this be a lesson, with great people by your side and a community centered on Jesus, One can change the world and your life can be changed for the best.

Keep growing in community everyone! I'll be sure to share more next time =)

God Bless,
Ben