So...

I just started transitioning to my new community at CCFC (Cambridge Community Fellowship Church). I'm very excited to see where God is going to take me in this church and I already love the community. So much care and honesty in the fellowship.

I just went to their "house church" last night. Its basically small group bible study but I am starting to feel that the name implies a more family like atmosphere which I love. So let me set up this night a little,

This week has been a fun week, yet I have had my moments where I struggled to simply keep on track with my time with God. I have notice with that, it does not matter how much fun I have...If God is not in the middle of that fun, it just ends up being a cool memory leaving us with this emptiness when it is all quiet. I got that feeling very strongly yesterday. I just had a week of going out and eating and playing games with amazing and crazy friends. I am so blessed by that community and all the good times. But yesterday, I woke up .... and I had this weird sense of emptiness. Which i thought was weird because I was like "Ben, you just had a jam packed week of hanging out and cleaning and writing letters and getting a letter and a lot of stuff. Why do you feel empty now?" Some how... i knew the answer but I didn't want to come to grips with it. I knew I hadn't been really searching after God in this time. I just kind of said, "God I read last week, im good for this week. I dont have that desire to sit down and wait for you to show me something." That just made me lost in worldly thoughts and insecurities. Without the reassurance of God's word in my personal life, I forget that life is not all about fun, but something much deeper. I need the Holy Spirit to open my eyes up to the greatness of the gospel everyday. I want to see it and be filled with an amazing joy that NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING on earth can compare to it.

So I came to house church after eating at my friend Becky's house. She and her other friend Esther invited me to dinner and they cooked some delicious food for me and my other friend Albert. We all ate and it was just awesome.

We came to house church together and opened up with worship and just started a simple topical bible study on the Holy Spirit and who He is. I dont know how to explain it but this community was so open to each other and we just had a great time studying. There were some profound moments, jokes galor, and times of real raw honest confessions and truths shared. I mean, just to hear how these peoples share about the depth that God has been working in their lives astounded me. I'm so use to hear what people need God to do: "i need God to help me in school, my work, my family". It was like a breath of fresh air to hear people share how "God has showed me this and showed me that". I was seeing evidence of God working in a broken community and not just seeing God has a wish maker. My heart is kind of getting pumped just typing this out.

Then, at the end of our simple yet very good bible study we had a time of prayer requests. One girl in particular, named Allyson, was brand new to the group. I had been at house church once before a while back so I cant I was brand new. This was Allyson's first time. I remember her having a smile as she opened up her prayer request. "I don't know how to really articulate this" she said... and slowly she began to get shaky and it seemed that she was holding back tears. She shared how she had just gone through a break up. Right then my heart sank and I was brought back to the feelings I had in my break up. It was painful to see someone else experience something similar to the feeling I felt after my break up. Then she said something along the lines of I hope that healing can come in my life as well as his life. For her to ask for prayer for the other person just blew me away. I mean I have prayed for Linh since the break up...but I wondered if I should have been asking other people to pray for her. I was just blown away for her state of mind in seeing how God wants to bring healing to everyone and here I was focused on just my pain.

I shared with her a little bit about my break up and It was reassuring for both of us to see that we were not alone in that pain and to see God working in each of ourlives was a huge blessing as well.

So, I left house church in a very good mood. I was dropped off at the T station and I was just reflecting about how this church almost seems to ideal for me. I mean, I just felt like I fit in so well and after each time I go to this church I experience God. I was thinking how in a spiritual community you want to surround yourself with people you hope to resemble and as a Christian you hope that those people resemble Christ. I can see Christ in this church in everything they do. From their emails to each other, to Pastor Larry's sermons, and especially in the small groups.
BUT i was thinking that I could just be like...blinded by love in a sense for this church. I mean I know every church has their problems and I have yet to really see it (but I know I will eventually). I wanted to make sure God was placing me at this church and I wasn't placing myself at this church. I was wrestling with this Idea while I was waiting for my Train to come and go home.

Then, I noticed a old black man pushing a mobile chair. I came up to him and asked if he needed any help. It became evident that he possibly had a stroke since his speech was somewhat impaired. I vaguely understood that his chair had broke and he had to go home. He couldnt walk well. His house was about 2 blocks down. So, I began to push and I quickly realized that I had complitely underestimated the weight of this chair. It was extremely heavy. "Man, what did I get myself into." I thought, but I quickly realized how terrible it would have been if this man had to push this chair all by himself. So i just kept pushing making as much progress as I could. Suddenly, a spanish guy came up and asked if we needed help. I began to tell him about the situation and explain how Im just trying to help this guy push his chair home. I got a somewhat empty stare. He shared that his english was not to great but he understood the situation. So together, all three of us began to push. But we saw that the handicaped man had difficulty keeping up with us. So we suggested he just sit in the chair as we pushed him.

So...there I am, pushing an elderly handicaped blackman who had a speech impediment along with a columbian guy helping me who had trouble speaking english down Mass. Ave in Boston at midnight. To prove how heavy this chair was, it took me and the columbian guy, both young and relatively fit men, 20mins to move down one block. It was just so heavy and tiring and the weather didnt even help. We were desperate for help. So me being the most capable of speaking asked people who passed by who would help. People notice us pushing and just kept walking by. Finally, I got the attention of an Arab kid. He said he just ran for 2 hours and was tiried but he was willing to help. So with that... it took 3 Guys 15 mins to move this man in his chair down to his apartment. Not only that, we had to help him up the elavator and physically get into his room. We got our simple thank yous and left. It felt good. I could say that I felt that I did something good in the world and thus i feel good about it...but there was something deeper.

It was somewhere along Mass Ave. I was pushing the chair so strongly and leaning in so I could put my back into pushing that my head was nearly right on the shoulder of the black man we were helping. I just kept telling him it be okay and we were gonna get him home soon. I realized that here I was with a spanish man, an arab man, a black man, and I was an asian man. We all became this beautiful illustration of what the Kingdom of God was. For a minute, I felt God say that He was overwhelmed with Joy with what was occuring. I was apart of this illustration of the Kingdom of God along side with people that society would seperate. It was beautiful and fullfilling.

I then slowly learned that all the men I encountered where not Christian. I saw this whole night as a great oppertunity to share my faith and I was acutally able to with the spanish man. Im not sure if it sank in but I am sure that my actions backed up my words. We talked on T ride back home and he actually said I should come by his resteraunt and eat sometime =). It was a fun night talking to him.

At the end, I saw how this moment made me connect back to the values of CCFC and their church calling in social justice and racial reconciliation. I experienced that passion of that value first hand through this God given moment. I saw it as God pushing me to explore this more. I saw it as God pushing me more towards CCFC.

I got my answer that night. For this time in my life, I should be at CCFC...and Im excited about it.

God is crazy good =)

PS sorry for the typos