You never Change, You stay the same

It has been 4 months since I left Uganda. almost 2 months since school started.

I had just woken up after not sleeping the night before because of an exam I had yesterday.

There was a eerie feeling of change around the room when I woke up (Similar to the feeling you get when you fall asleep in one place, and wake up in a totally different other). It is just amazing and even unsettling how much has happened to me in the past 6 months.

I continue to have urges throughout the day to go back to CVI and hold kids and have them fall asleep in my arms so that their mothers could go to school. There are times when I will be eating breakfast, hear someone complain about their eggs, and remember when the kids at the Kids Home would eat with unbelievable thankfulness their plain beans and posho. Here i see people throw away trays of food. It is crazy how Uganda still pops up in the middle of random times of my life. It still shapes me.

My life as of right now has been a blessing, yet there is something unsettling about what has happened. I realize that InterVarsity has even changed for me. I been describing the feeling as having out grown it. I am no longer surrounded by people who really understand what I have gone through. Given though, I still love them. Particularly the freshmen and the new comers. But somehow I still feel out of place. There is this feeling that God is calling me to focus on something else right now...I am just unsure what it really is. I have a sense it is my schooling and there has been so much life that has come out of that.

Changes come so fast sometimes, it can be overwhelming...but what ever changes come, my God stays the same.

Processing my Uganda Experience from California

It is still hard to believe how a person like me ended up going to Uganda. I grew up in an immigrant church whose primary focus was all about maintaining and contributing to the local Vietnamese community. I grew up never hearing about God being bigger then that. There was never an emphasis on getting involved with anything outside the Vietnamese church. Boy, I was so wrong. Reflecting on Intervarsity’s Global Trek Uganda, I am starting to realize that God’s love is absolutely too massive to contain to just one group of people, one city, or one country. His love was meant to overflow from small hearts, to small communities and spread eventually all over the world. That is a lot of love.

Our team’s preparation for this trip was a major component to this experience. We had so many speakers that already began to challenge our conceptions about Jesus and his Kingdom. I realized during my time at the institute phase of our trip that I was insecure about God. I was worried that if He didn’t work the way I thought He should be working, then something was wrong. I was challenged to see that just because God was not working the way I thought he should doesn’t mean He is not working. The reality is that God can go into any circumstance, any culture, and still maintain His true and unchanging character in that situation. He is still loving, sovereign, merciful, LORD, compassionate, righteous, just, and unchanging in all environments.

I was challenged by this while I was in the States. When I went to Uganda, this became my reality. I was brought into a culture that worshiped differently, did evangelism differently, and dealt with different issues. Yet, Jesus was absolutely the same. Oddly enough, I felt that it was easier to feel the presence of Jesus in situations that weren’t so familiar to me; situations that made me feel uncomfortable even. This included hut to hut evangelism, charismatic worship, and even just praying for dinner in a culture different then what I grew up with. What impressed me the most was how real Jesus was in this culture. To them, nothing was theoretical. God’s power is real. God’s love is real. God’s salvation and redemption is real.

In my church upbringing, God’s redemption was only spoken about like it was some kind of theory, but in Uganda God’s redemption is a complete reality. I have seen former child soldiers who have dealt with the horrors of war at far too young a age become some of most joyous people I have ever met in my life. It bewilders me to see how children who have gone through so much trauma and suffering become such wonderful, kind, loving, and caring people. They’re answer was simple: Jesus saved them. It was through NGO’s like Child Voice International that Jesus became real to them. Jesus became a person that took them in, counseled them, prayed for them, cried with them, and gave them a sure new hope for an amazing future. They don’t just believe in a future in Heaven but also a blessed future here on this earth. They were becoming people who overcame the negative effects of war. They have become established and outstanding individuals in their communities and families. Seeing situations like these makes the Kingdom of God a reality; right here and now.

Susie, one of the staff members on our team during this trip, said something early in the trip that really inspired me to focus on a specific theme. She shared about how the Gospel of Jesus Christ only has an impact if we truly realize we are in desperate need of saving. We can not see Jesus as an option in our life. For the people of Uganda, Jesus is not an option. He is the only true way out of their suffering. Evidence for this can be seen when considering who would have saved these former child soldiers if Jesus didn’t die on the cross. Who would have taken in all the street kids I met if Jesus hadn’t taken us into His family?

It became so clear to me that the impact of Jesus’ sacrifice was not only that we were saved from hell but we are now able to make the Kingdom of God a reality in this broken world. It is a kingdom where the poor and needy are taken care of and loved. It is a kingdom where former child soldiers and street kids can find refuge and love in the arms of the body of Christ (The Church!).

In Uganda, I saw a glimpse of the Kingdom of God and it was beautiful. I saw Nicholas, a 7 year old street child abandon by his parents at an amusement park, eating dinner with such joy. His dinner only consisted of posho (basically corn millet and hot water turned into a solid) and beans. Yet he ate it the way an American would eat a prime rib with all the side dishes. He licked his fingers in between bites. At one point I think he shook with happiness while eating. I do not know why, but I nearly wept at the sight of seeing Nicholas eat his dinner. He was a child that would have been starving and alone that night if it wasn’t for “Come Let’s Dance”, an NGO that was focused on making the Kingdom of God a reality to children like Nicholas. It was moments like this that made realize why I was a Christian. Following Jesus made sense when I was able to see how he was working in the world through the church.

Overall, I felt that this trip really challenged the way I carried out my daily life. It also gave me such confidence for the hope I have in Jesus to not only save the lost and abandoned but to also shape me into a person that will change this world. Uganda has taken a special place in my heart and I hope that I will come back with much bigger hopes of making an impact as a graduate. It was only through the grace of Jesus that I was able to see the things I have seen. Now that I have seen, I am automatically responsible. I am now set on putting my faith into actions by deeds that will bring God’s kingdom closer to the ones that long for it. This doesn’t just mean HUGE acts like going to another country to serve but in the simple acts in my daily life ; having a conversation with someone suffering, being mindful and reverent of the poor while I live out my life of privileges, and always knowing that God is bigger then any frame of thought I can contain Him in. It would be a shame to just forget all this. I pray that I won’t. By the grace of Jesus, this seed will grow into something that I can not even dream of. I can not wait for what Jesus will have in stored for the rest of my life. He is good.

I pray that as part of the global church, we can make Jesus a reality to a world that longs for him.

As I still process from my California home, I can’t help to think of the irony of this trip; I went to Uganda to serve, help, and save, but I have a feeling I was the one who ended up getting saved.

- Benjamin Le

This is Nicholas (aka Niko).

Falling in Love again...and again and again (with Jesus)

(keep a trashbag close when reading this blog...you might barf =P)

play while you read

I have seen people that are after that first feeling of love.

Those butterflies in the stomach, high hopes of an amazing future, the experience of a first kiss, first time you held hands

... I think yall catch my drift haha. A person can go on and on about how good a brand new relationship is. I think we all have good experiences with being with someone for the first time.

Sad to see though some of these couples seem to loose that spark. I would so a majority, if not all, at one point realize that the emotions and feelings of the "honey moon phase". Arguments and struggles arise.

Now so many thoughts can come to mind if your in this situation:

"How do I get back those feelings.....He/She changed.....Is this person the one?.......Why am I not feeling this no more? .........I wish things could go back to the way they were"

People (like myself) tend to panic in this situation and depending on how you cope with stressful situations, you could just turn a blind eye to it or muster up all you can to make this relationship into the one you always dreamed off

Now.....something I feel is not emphasized is this: The honey moon phase is BOUND to end. This I have had experience in. So where is the happiness in relationships?

I'll just cut right to it. I feel the struggles that every couple runs into gives opportunity for the relationship to get deeper. If this is the right person, they will grow somehow through this struggle and both individuals will become something NEW...something (dare I say) better then when they first got together. They become something new to fall in love with in a way.

I forget this so much in my relationship with Jesus. I know plenty of christians who have gone through dry phases. I am starting to think these are phases where the honey moon feelings have run out between that person and Jesus. Either it feels like hes not around no more...He seems to be far off. He seems to have changed. He no longer gives you those feelings you first felt when you met Him. He seems to be making you things you do not want to do...

So the solution? I have been hit with this new concept. Falling in love with Jesus again.

I forget that as I walk with Jesus, He will show different sides of Himself to me, sides that I have never seen before. These sides are not the sides I saw of Him when we first met. It might be scary to have Jesus show you more of His glory. I mean, mountains have been lit on fire when God showed himself (Mt. Sinai to be specific). Those images, that side of Jesus might scare you. It might make you wish that your relationship could just go back to the beginning. But I think theres a reason that Jesus does this...

We as humans tend to get bored. We can never get enough of anything. It seems that are hearts long for something eternal. We keep trying to get NEW things (new clothes, ipad [dont even get me started], cars, houses, parties, foods, degrees, boyfriends/girlfriends, hats, games, level up on W.O.W [ or this either], new songs, new guitars, etc.) We are either addicted to the feelings of new and/or just get bored with the things of old. We need an unlimited source of satisfaction and joy

Especially in regards to our need for love, we need a source of love every morning.

You see, Jesus knows this. He knows we are deeply spiritual creatures longing for eternal things; things that are out of this world's ability to give. He knew we needed Him to come to die and to be with us so that this huge desire (thirst) can be satisfied finally.

So as we tend to get comfortable and even bored in our faith, it becomes a time for Jesus to offer something new. AND since He is infinite, he never runs out of new sides of Him to show. NEVER.

Our God is capable of outstanding us in ways we have never seen before EVEN though we have known Him for years.

I realized that when ever i have fallen out of love of Jesus, He offers himself in a new way that he KNOWS will satisfy me. I might be to scared of seeing it because I might be unable to let go of the way things use to be with me and him. I dont want it to change.

But if at the core, you remember that this is someone who loves you, you are willing to take that risk. You are willing to go to a new church though it might be scary. You might be willing to go to Uganda and see Him work there. You might just start seeing Him in a brand new light... and that makes you fall in love all over again. It is almost like meeting a whole new person. And people, Jesus has an infinite amount of new light to shed on His children. We are capable of falling in love with Him over and over again. Those honeymoon feelings can always be there. BUT we must remember they come from the relationship that was strengthen through hard times.

My challenge to you, to those who seem to have fallen out of love with Jesus, first go to scripture and just remember that despite how you feel JESUS IS ALWAYS IN LOVE WITH YOU. NOw next, reflect and think of what side of Him is he trying to show you? What part of Him is he trying to show you? How does this call you to grow in your faith?

I have just started to fall in love with Jesus ALL OVER AGAIN and it has come from a long seasons of pain in school. I can tell you it will not be the last time I will fall in love with this guy. There will be another time where I will see a new side of Him and fall in love all over again. He is absolutely amazing.

True everlasting love is offered to everyone, its up to us to let go of our old conceptions/notions of love and open our hands to this new kind of amazing love. and it is up to us to do it again...and again...and again.

Theres a Revolution within my Soul

a drastic and far-reaching change in ways of thinking and behaving

Urbana was an amazing time. I can't say that it was a truly all fun and games though. I was actually a little overwhelmed at Urbana. There was just so many people, so many seminars, so many organizations ... where could I go to make the most of my experience?

I ended up just getting scared and just throwing up my hands and saying "God, i have no idea what you want me to do here. I am going to just walk around and you lead me".... and faithfully and graciously He came. I ended up going to amazing seminars, running in with some very old friends (like my cousin Rebecca who I hadn't seen in about 10 years as well as all my Socal friends, and another old friend that I hadn't seen since high school). I felt like I just stumbled upon amazing people who just had a perfect piece of wisdom to share with me and by the end of the whole trip it felt like all those pieces of wisdom fit together and said "Jesus is changing me for His great purpose...and thats great" or something like that. To tell you the truth I still feel like more pieces are falling into this puzzle.

I already took felt convicted to take on some challenges:
Gonna try to read the bible in 3 months (since one of the speakers read the bible 3 time (? maybe more, i forget) in 3 months)
Committed to 40 days of prayer for specific bold things
Sharing the gospel with one of my friends

As well, God has moved me to go on a mission trip this summer to Uganda ( SO PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR ADDRESS SO I CAN SEND YOU A SUPPORT LETTER!)

With school starting off at a really fast pace, I am reminded that this semester is going to be very very difficult. All the more reason to draw closer to Jesus so that by His grace and blessings, I am able to over come this semester.

He got me through last semester and He will get me through this one.

I am excited for this year =) big things happening

The best to you and your spiritual journey

In Christ,
Benjamin